Pain. Confusion. Grief. Loneliness. Disorientation. Disconnection. Discouragement. Disconsolation. My 2014 ran through all of these places and more.
But towards the end of this past year and into the new, a glimmer on the horizon. A long dark night seems to be ending. And as I move into 2015, the vocabulary seems to be changing. Hope. Help. Healing. A process that feels more like reconstruction than deconstruction.
I’ve given up pining for answers to all the Whys I’ve asked these past hard years. Acceptance of my new reality, my new identity is slow to take root. I still catch myself falling into unhelpful ways of coping. I still feel pangs from the loss of home, of family, of best friend, of friends. Knowing about the stages of grief is one thing. Grieving is another. It didn’t have to be this way. But now that it is, I choose to move on.
It’s no longer dark. Color begins to flare the dawning clouds. It’s a new day. It’s a new year. Thanks be to God.